I have never been very good at expressing my feeling towards you. I can’t really tell you why, either. Our relationship, at best, started at a very weird point. I was at a stage of extreme awkwardness while also coming into womanhood. As uncomfortable as it was for me, I can only imagine how difficult it must have been for you. However, you took it all in stride. You dealt with the responsibility of raising me with great decorum. I never thought of it that way at the time, but it crosses my mind a lot these days. I never made it easy for you and for that, I apologize. As a kid, as much as I loved the idea of you joining our family, it scared the life out of me. I was so terrified of the idea of having you as a father figure. I rebelled. I questioned. You might have been a bit overprotective, but of course you were. I was technically your first kid!
Side note: I have never thanked you officially for helping expose Tangela for who she really was. It might not seem like such a big deal to you, but, it is to me. I can’t say for sure, but I deal with a lot of problems emotionally and phsycologically. Huge chunks of my childhood are missing from my memory. These problems could have come from any number of factors but I feel like Tangela’s method of dealing with me had a lot to do with it. I can remember vividly writing in my notebook “I HATE TANGELA!” in huge letters, over and over and over, sobbing, unable to express my frustration and hoplessness any other way. I love my Mother more than anyone in this world, more than life itself, but she needed the help, she needed Tangela. She wouldn’t listen to my cries for help. I tried to tell her so many times. So, sincerely, thank you! For my sake, for Baby Maia’s sake, thank you!
Anyway, here we are, all these years later. It’s Father’s Day! I don’t want another day to pass by without you knowing how much you mean to me, how much I adore you. You are hysterical. You are kind. You raised my gorgeous, brilliant baby sister. You are honest. You know how to have fun. You take pride in your appearance and in everything you do. I love your Dad jokes. I love how positive you are. You inspire me to be active, to be determined, to be brave. You put up with my crazy Mother and her face still lights up like the Fourth of July every time she sees you, after all these years!
Because of you, I know that where ever life takes me, no matter how long we go without keeping in touch, no matter how far I might fall, I always have you. I know the true meaning of family, blood or not, and I can never thank you enough for that.
I love you & Happy Father’s Day!